• jules

    is it acceptable to win the sprint or be KOM if you’re the new guy? not that I have that problem :)

    • Andy B

      This is why no one invites me back

      • jules

        I have a mate who did that on a cruisey bunch ride. First time, blitzes everyone to the end point. Looks back, no one has reacted and frosty reception when they all caught up haha.

        • Winky

          “Frosty reception”? Why would they care?

      • Michele

        Funny … I usually only get invited out for a ride when someone’s confidence is so shot, they feel beating me in a KOM will go someway to addressing their problem.

    • If you’re the new guy, make sure there’s always someone in front of you. Always!

      • Winky

        New guys and girls are welcome sit on the front of our group and take pulls, but if the route is not obvious, it’s worth just checking how far it is until the next turn. This saves them shooting straight on past the corner as the rest of the group yells at them to come back.

        If they want to “win” a sprint, that’s fine too. But in my experienced more experienced (but new to our group) riders usually don’t bother until they see how it works in our group. Usually, we quietly advise less experienced new riders that a sprint is coming up, and that they might want to watch how it plays out the first time, rather than getting involved.

    • Arfy

      Don’t tell newbies where the sprint point and KOM is, and if they do take it on then pretend it’s somewhere else “Oh, not that 60km/h sign, it’s the next one!”

      • Spider

        Was on a new group ride a few weeks ago, great bunch of blokes, said to the one next to me ‘is this upcoming hill the KOM’….he just clicked down a few gears and attacked……point taken!

  • Cippo

    Well said. Any rules regarding flat v hills?

    • Cippo is asking this?

      • Michele

        I think what Cippo is asking: …
        Is it okay to call out to the group that the next stop light in the finish line and then thrash them in the sprint [and repeat this several times], only to have his wife [or husband] waiting in a car at the base of the first hill to be climb, so they can be transported to the coffee shop?

  • roklando

    Truth!!! I live a 4 minute ride from the regular meeting point. Always one of the last to arrive (though never more than 4.8 minutes late).

    • jules

      good TT practice though!

      • roklando

        shortest TT ever!! more like a sprint. :)

        • Holby City

          I do all my best work when running late for a ride.

    • Andy Logan

      I live not more than 150m from where we meet and yes typically I am nearly always late or just on time. I have it timed to perfection if I am lazy, 5.50am out of bed for a 6.10am rollout!

    • Another Matt

      I live a few hundred metres from my Sunday shop ride and am always late, nothing worse than a ITT with cold stiff legs. I’m usually only a minute late except for that time when daylight savings caught me out, chased for 20min on the rivet before I realised I was an hour behind.

  • Rule number 2 and 4 are stringent, but in the case of rain… ‘rain drop, ride stops’ under all circumstances. ;-)

    • Andy B

      are you made out of sugar?

      • Touche.

      • Phillip Mercer

        The is no such thing as bad riding weather, only poor equipment and kit choices.

      • Mark read


  • Holby City

    4. As a single man this is my biggest gripe. “The ball and chain needs me home before 11” or other variants is all too common.

    In life, you don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.

    Negotiate harder boys!!!

    • Michele

      I’m often the same .. but I do make sure that if I have organised the ride I don’t leave early.

      If I haven’t and I do have to go, I don’t violate any of those rules. I will tell everyone beforehand I’m leaving by such a time – I make sure the planned coffee shop isn’t changed for me, and then I might even do a bit more work than normal on the front before I head off.

      I then proceed to go home and be in a bad move with the better half for the rest of the day because I didn’t really feel like part of the ride.

    • Arfy

      If you were a real team-mate you’d offer to baby-sit your mates’ kids while their wives go out shopping and getting their hair done. Then they can spend a blissful day putting in some real k’s knowing their reliable mate has it all under control at home.

    • Andy Logan

      It really isnt as easy as that, as Wade can probably attest to having a young child it’s pretty hard to get out the door. 11am when you have got out the door at 6.10am is plenty of time. I find its worth coming home on time as then everyone is happy. My group have started doing race efforts on Saturdays now, 90km with 1400m in 3 hours or less. Who needs to ride more when you are riding hard!

      • Michelle Birchfield

        GOOGLE CAREERS::As Joan replied I am stunned that a mom can make $28273 in four weeks on the internet ……..Simple online work for all. Make $5000 to $9000 every week online.4-5hour day by day work……….read the full info here
        ??? http://GoogleChampionTopPayingOnlineInsiderCareer/Earn/hourly/$97….????????????????????????????????????????????????

      • Florence Cunningham

        last tuesday I got a top of the range Honda from earning $16020 this last four weeks and also ten-k last-month . this is definitely the coolest work I have ever done . Without any question it’s the most financially rewarding Ive had . I started this 4 months ago & practicaIIy straight away began to bring home over $97 p/h .Visit weblink to start immediately.
        ???? http://GoogleExtraPayingTopJobsAlfaEmploymentProjects/Get/Start/Today… ??????????????????????????????????????????

    • 2ndeffort

      Other half excuse should only come into play once the last hill has been climbed. Using the ball and chain as a way to get out of the ride’s gutbusting 12% grinder should be grounds for expulsion from the bunch

    • Chris

      “As a single man”, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Shoosh.

      Negotiation did happen. That’s why they’re riding with you until 11.

      • ummm…

        My live in partner doesn’t care when I leave or when I come back. She just tells me not to wake her. Does she love me? (yeah no kids)

    • Spider


      give thew partner a recipricol leave pass or do some housework or some sexual favors…but get that leave pass extended!!!

      also, know the great local bakeries….drop in on one as you ride home….a little brownie or lemon tart (which you will serve with your perfectly made flat white) will help boost those passes!!!

      Wade…article idea: leave passes

    • echidna_sg

      It’s not hard to organise. My missus rides most mornings with her mates, I do the same with mine… our kids are fine at home with the maid and breaky is served when we walk in the door…. ah, the expat life ;-)

      • ummm…

        does the butler lay out your gear before the ride? lol first world problems….

        • echidna_sg

          Sort of… the dirty kit goes into a bucket afree which it simply reappears washed and folded in the kit cupboard prearranged with matching gloves and socks.

      • TheBear

        Immigrant* life

    • duanegran

      I think the key is that people with constrained schedules are responsible for their own altered route. I’ll join the start of a ride and explain that I need to peel off early, but I don’t try to take others with me. My early departure is a solo matter. People who show up to a 5 hour planned ride and try to impose a 3 hour plan on the group are a menace though. I don’t know why they insist on being chaperoned like that, but when I see it I simply suggest to them a reasonable solo split off point.

  • Guy Ross

    Five minute grace period? Hmmmm…… here in Germany you’d be chasing.

    • been in Leipzig 5 years now and my own opinion is that German punctuality is a myth.

      • Guy Ross

        Interesting take. It is usually the Prussians who have the reputation for being especially ‘piniebel’.

        You enjoying it there?

      • We have a no minute to late rule in our group.
        But the German Pünktlichkeit is no more. Even our trains aren’t pünktlich anymore.

        • Guy Ross

          I also ride with multiple groups here and all are, ahem, ‘Nazis’ about rolling out on the hour.

          The trains may be late but the German complaining lives on I see, Florian! Ha!

          • Tobi

            German complaining will outlive the Wurst!
            Being unpünktlich has become some sort of proof that you are a laid-back, yet always awfully bussy and successful person that can by no means be subejcted to a strict time table. And the ubiquity of mobile phones adds to that…

            Incidentally, we do wait for others. I’m not really happy with all them “rules” in cycling any way.

          • I don’t complain about the trains. It was a bit ironical. As I don’t have a car and can’t always commute with my bike I use the train. My coworkers are more stressed and need the same time to come to work.
            We have a no minute to late rule in our group. When we meet at 9.30 in the morning we will leave no minute later than 9.45.

            • Johnny

              After spending 15 minutes waiting in the cold, I’d be really pissed and quite unmerciful. Five minutes are okay, but I also know some groups which roll out on the hour.

              I do not think that the Germans are particulary “pünktlich” compared to Anglo-Saxon nations.
              This also applies to me. When calling in for a ride I generally plan to be there five minutes earlier – to finally get there just in time. And I am neither successful nor awfully busy but rather malorganised. ;)

              What I’ve learned, the Swiss are really correct, (virtually) always in time (look at their trains!) and (sometimes über-)”penibel”. Loved it there. Never seen better tarmac by the way. :)

  • lefthandside

    What about turning the ride into your own personal training session? I’ve been guilty of this (“I’ve just got to go do a few VO2 hill reps up this dead end road and then it’s tempo all the way home guys with bursts, no time for coffee”)… To be fair I reckon it’s better to join in a ride for part at least and then split off if you’ve got specific stuff to do.better than just riding out to the hills by yourself

    • Winky

      Our Saturday club rides are more about social interaction, group etiquette, bunch skills and less about training. They can have hard bits, and we are lucky enough to have a couple of 1000m climbs to choose from on the North Shore where people go their own pace and regroup. But if you’re after a specific interval session, or hill repeats, the Saturday ride is not the place to do it.

  • treberden

    A serious ride does not take place on saturday, at least in France !

    • Winky

      What on earth is a “serious” ride? I must be doing it wrong.

    • Yann

      Yes it does … but only from 26th Dec to last weekend in Feb ;)

  • Marcus

    #3 would have been laughed at by my last club – most rides were flat out from very early on, with no regard for pacing, and it was always a case of wondering who’d blow up first. I loved it :)

    • Winky

      Hate that. As I get older it takes me longer and longer to warm up. I like my rides to start at walking pace.

  • brucegray

    Some rules various moron lookatme’s forget :

    – who stays behind when someone goes down hard and needs first aid and an ambulance? Has happened on several bunch rides I’ve been on, one of which the ride organizers cared more about their Strava time than the rider with the broken neck.

    – when the weather goes crap and minors at the back are wearing black kit, have no lights, are soaked to the bone, and developing hypothermia.
    I was the only one who didn’t want to see their parents getting a call to ask if their kids came home, because they are not at the cafe.
    Any halfwit can organize a bunch ride, badly.

    • ummm…

      hum bug

      • brucegray


  • ChuckD59

    Yet more reasons I became an ITT specialist. Never got the ‘pack’ mentality.

    • ummm…

      ah a real renegade. do you also bring your own clock to these ITTs?

      • ChuckD59

        You sound envious.

        • ummm…

          Nah, I mostly ride solo. But I’d like to do more group. So fun.

  • gmop

    Colorado Local Rule: Regardless who calls the ride, the ride must begin and end within 2 minute walking distance of a craft brewery (drink your coffee before the ride).

    • ummm…

      America, F**K YEAH. I hear ya, all the way from NYC

    • A rule the entire world should adopt!

  • cgart

    True the world over. Spot on, all of it. – from the US.


    RULE #8 NEW GUY ALWAYS GETS A KICKING! If he comes back for more the following week he has a half chance of being a keeper. 11 out of 12 don’t return – old Heiko S East German trick “throw a dozen eggs against the wall and keep the one that doesn’t break”. There’s only room for absolute hitters in our group, no room for non-Alpha Males.

    • Colly Wolly

      Probably a bunch of D-Grade hacks in reality!!

    • Winky

      Too funny.

  • London Baroudeurs

    Ammendments to the Rules: Always drop the ‘haters’ in the group/team. In the end, they’re really the ‘lovers’.

    They love criticising everything en route for 5hours-plus (the meeting time; the route; your bike; your facial hair ((any hair)); their kids preventing them from turning pro :). Then they have the audacity to declare “Don’t stop! Recover on the bike!” Only to be dropped half way back. Yes, deep down inside, they’re really the ‘lovers!’

  • VO2min

    Articles like this reflect most of what I despise about cycling and cyclists The near obsessive need to conform to a hive-mind is bewildering to me. Just ride your bike, How about that?

    • Winky

      You might be over-thinking this. For me, cycling with a club satisfies needs to be social and part of an “in-group”. Much of my riding is not with the club (commuting and solo riding), but I still very much enjoy belonging to the club and rides and activities we do together. The hive-mind extrapolation seems a stretch (not that I really know what you mean – but clearly is a negative sentiment in the context in which you have used it)

    • Riding along is indeed wonderful, but riding with mates is also one of the joys of cycling. Don’t take it too seriously @VO2min:disqus

    • Shaun the Sheep

      Creating rules generates gossip, conversation and knowledge of how people will behave in certain situations. Call it evolutionary, but for any activity people love to regulate it, then re-regulate.

  • CB

    Personally I don’t mind ‘bunch hopping’. Always fun watching groups in fight and get competitive.

  • Super and Easiest 0nl!nee Home opportunity for all. Make 2502 Dollars per month. All you just Need an Internet Connection and a Computer To Make Some Extra cash.Visit this link…

    =========>>>>> joining-hand.online.gp

  • Shaninadelaide

    Best post ever!


Pin It on Pinterest

October 24, 2016
October 22, 2016
October 21, 2016