Negotiating A Leave Pass

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I’m lucky that Mrs CT understands my addiction to cycling. If a couple days go by where I’ve eaten a mountain of food and done no riding I tend to get a bit cranky and she forces me to get out for an hour or two roll. Not for my sanity, but for hers.

Unfortunately an hour or two ride just isn’t enough. Cycling is not a time efficient sport. Throw a coffee and a few lies about how good we used to be into the mix and it’s nearly noon before we’re home from a 6am ride. I’m sure I’m not the only one where cycling is the cause of a few relationship dramas.

For all you young guns out there, the videos below are precisely what you’re gonna have to face in a few years. It’s worth taking note and accumulating a good toolbox of negotiating tactics for getting a leave pass.

A few rookie mistakes to point out from the video:

1. The negotiation process needs to be started far in advance.  Give it a day or two for the dust to settle from the previous weekend’s dramas.  I suggest planting the seed on Tuesday evening and the ride plans should be firmly written in the family calendar by Thursday.

2. Make your wife feel like she’s included in the planning stages. Even if you’ve already made firm plans, make her feel like she had a choice in the matter.  A true jedi master will have his wife believing that it was her idea that he go on that 5hr Saturday morning ride.

3. Begin your negotiating position with low-ass expectations of the chores you’ll fulfill later in the day.  Start with “I’m leaving at 8:30am and will be back at 1pm for a nice long nap on the couch”. The lashing you will get will be no worse than promising to be the best husband in the world.

4. Don’t end up making stupid promises you cannot keep.  You know better than anyone that you’ll be out the door at 8:30am and back at 1pm for a nap on the couch. A woman’s memory cannot be underestimated and your lies will be brought up as ammunition later when you least expect it.

5.  The last 40 sec of the video is where things go downhill fast.  Unlike Vincent, abort negotiation, close mouth, and walk away. Shut it down or else you’ll be coming home to this video:

These frightening familiar scenarios created by Marcus O’Callaghan. He has an excellent blog that you can read here.

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