leave pass
  • jules

    name and shame your male partner who wants to argue over a leave pass. his mates will humiliate him and he won’t do it again :)

  • velocite

    What a very mature set of points. Full marks!

  • scottmanning

    What’s with the “need” to ask permission? I ride at the same time every day/week, and I usually I get back when the family starts to wake so I just do it – she knows when i’ll be back on what days. However if something comes up that I want to do outside of the normal, a longer bunch ride or trip away I certainly do not “Ask for permission”. We are individuals, doing life together, but equals. I certainly ask my wife how my disapearing for something out of the ordinary impacts her and how she feels about it, but never permission. She is the same with thigns she would like to do… never permission. Depending on her responce I may choose to go, or not. Giving some consideration of the impacts your choices make on your partner is good and healthy, asking permission is not. It seems like a subtle difference, but it is not.

    • Winky

      100% “Permission” is a ridiculous concept for this sort of thing. When the shoe is on the other foot I’d never consider that my partner should ask for permission, and I know she feels the same. We ask each other how we would feel about certain things that the other was contemplating but it never permission, and there is never any negotiation.

      • Simone Giuliani

        Permission does seem a term that belongs better in schools than adult relationships, which is part of why the concept of leave passes doesn’t appeal to me. But negotiation is a must for me Winky. There are lots of times when my husband and I both want to do the same bike race, or ride the same morning, however with kids at home us both going is not necessarily an option. That’s when we have to work out a way to take turns that keeps us both happy, or at times just decide to see if the babysitters are free.

        • jules

          make your kids corner marshals and you can keep an eye on them!

  • Winky

    Commuting is the solution to getting in a lot of riding without negative impact on family time and couple time. It’s free! I have to get to work anyway.

  • ginga_ninja

    Great set of points and I agree, I don’t think it’s good to be in that space where you have to ask for a “leave pass”, it’s not favourable for either partner. My Top 3 are Planning, Babysitters and Saying Thank You. With kids and both of us wanting sport/ride time, things work out a lot better if we plan our times to be out. We embrace the occasional babysitter weekend morning so both my husband can both get out and ride (/bicker) together or race. Worth it’s weight in gold and it reminds us why we liked each other in the first place (usually). ;) I don’t say thank you enough, because sometimes I do really push my luck to be out for half the day on the weekend and I really do appreciate the chance for some “me” time.

  • Fair is fair

    My hubby rides road and MTB. Some weekends he wants to do both – that’s a couple hours in the morning and another couple of hours in the afternoon. We also have two small kids so yeah, ride times do cause tension. I appreciate all of the points made in your article! No, I don’t want to be made out to be a kill-joy grump because I know riding makes him happy but he shouldn’t take the piss either! When riding gives him a five hour break from reality, then I’d like a five hour break too – without attitude! If his ride wasn’t satisfactory because the bunch was slow or whatever, don’t bring that home and ruin the day for everyone, he (or she) should show gratitude for getting out! But cyclists, god bless ’em, are a funny bunch!

  • i do the early morning routine! Works perfectly as he’s a deep sleeper – I can feed the dog, train, walk the dog and be ready for work before he’s even woken up. And that means we can have the evenings together :)

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