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Everyone knows it’s harder to excuse yourself on Christmas day for a ride with all the responsibilities, but sometimes its the time when you really NEED to leave to take a ride. Perhaps its the overbearing family, the mother-in-law who hates you, that great-auntie who pinches your cheeks even though you’re a grown woman and the uncle who still thinks pull my finger jokes* are hilarious (actually who am I kidding, pull your finger jokes are hilarious).
So here is a list of excuses, that may just help make your Christmas day:
1) Testing new gifts
Also known as showing appreciation to family members for being thoughtful. After all, they bought you something cycling related so it would be ungrateful not to immediately embrace it.
2) Safety first
“I’m less likely to get hit by a car today, everyone is at home doing this Christmas shindig, which means I’ll be back in half the time too without traffic”. Less traffic — who doesn’t love that?
3) Navigationally challenged
Clearly you got lost on the way — the fact you’re in lycra and the bike is on the roof racks? Irrelevant, let’s not waste any more time, we need to start the festivities!
4) Missing menu items
Of course you’ll go get the eggs/milk from next door … you’ll just take the long way. Or maybe they haven’t got any and you will have to go on a long mission to find someone who does, and if that someone happens to live at the top of the best local climb, well, that can’t be helped. And you’re only taking the bike instead of the car because you care about the environment.
5) Oh, I’m so forgetful
“Oops, I’m so sorry relative I care about dearly, I forgot part of your gift, I’ll be right back”. Three hours later, my tip is to bring something back from the fuel station, possibly something that may be rejected and need to swapped in a couple of hours when you are ready for another ride. See now how thoughtful the gift is.
6) Last year’s bicycle gift
Got a bike last year? “Honey, I’m just still so excited over last year’s gift that I have to use it on it’s one year anniversary.” Then next year on it’s two year anniversary and so on … ah the gift that keeps giving.
Become so insufferably sulky that they TELL you to go for a ride.
8) Turkey is the new chloroform
It’s been proven that turkey actually causes drowsiness, so get the bird on those plates and await said food coma.
9) Leave early
Really early when everyone is still asleep so they can’t complain about you going for a ride. Bonus: You get to eat the cookies and milk left out for Santa but you’ll have to let the kids know that the reindeer were just concerned about being aero so skipped the carrots but said thanks.
10) Silent escape
Upon return explain you were trying to show the family that Christmas isn’t all about the presents and material goods. It may not be about riding either, but the point is you were trying to show it isn’t all about the presents. Your return is illustrating togetherness as you’re all back together, yay. Let’s not focus on the past.
11) Buy them really, really, really nice gifts
Who could be mad at you leaving for a ride with such great presents? I guess only the people without those really nice presents, right?
If you tried any of the excuses and they went down like a lead balloon, I’ve got a back-up plan. You could always try to lighten the mood and dig yourself out of a hole with some top-notch comedy … pull my finger, anyone?
*For those of you who may not be crass Aussies that know all too well what pull my finger jokes are, it fits squarely in the toilet humour category. Pull that finger and you are bound to regret it, as it usually elicits a loud fart.
This is an updated version of an article first published on Sheyleigh’s blog.